I'm such a child. Still locked into being 17 years old and hoping against false hope T will go to the Show & Shine here as they are having a Bike and Shine as well. Just because he rides a bicycle doesn't mean he would be interested in coming to New West when he could be at some cool Vancouver beach or on a bike ride in the mountains or islands. I'm going to head down the hill anyways. Besides there might be someone else that is interested in me. oh gawd, sure. Right.
I'm a bit delirious as one hope has come true. Mom is going back to Sask. Being the shitty daughter that I am, I am relieved. It is exhausting to never be able to make her happy. What she wanted from me was almost 7 day a week attention. Hints to live with me, complaints that I'm so busy. Uh no, I don't drive so errands, seeing my kids, and every Friday for her didn't leave me much time to just be. It's insane as the part of me working is left out. It gets negated by most as its not a career, I don't talk about it much, and oh,,,"you only work 4 days a week". Try being expected to produce and manage a 5 day work load in four. I'm sorry but I'm glad.
Oddly, I'm having a twinge of sadness but not as much as I should. I'll have my life back and can go see Ashleigh on Fridays if I want. I can make medical appointments easier and gee, I can go downtown to just enjoy it for a change of scenery. Guilt isn't a good emotion but it is real.
I hope G isn't pissed at me and thinks I should have done more. But what? Naw, I don't think he is.
A small to look forward to going to something in my neighbourhood but I am. However, I have a feeling that the reality is that I will quickly be out of place not being with anyone. Like anything else lately that I've tried to go to enjoy, I'm flat-out out of cinq and don't fit.
Keep trying until it does?
Who knows, maybe my quota of wishes coming true isn't used up and he will be there.
...and monkeys will fly out my ass....
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