I'm now safely on vacation and enjoying doing what I feel like doing when I feel like doing it and not feeling too guilty about not hustling with major purge. But...Libby asked me if Sandy could come with us to Harrison. It's not that I'm childish and selfish, it's that I know Sandy doesn't like me and this will be a waste of time and money for me now, It will become the Sandy and Libby show and I will be the tags along. I wish I hadn't suggested getting away. Sandy insisting on joining us for dinner was one thing but this....She is a snob and the last time she joined us, openly was dismayed at where I live and refused a glass of the wine I offered after she looked at the bottle. I don't understand why Libby felt she needed to include her when she knows her well and saw how she was judging. So much for catching up at least from my end. I'll be aware of Sandy being critical of every word I say so I will steer the catch up talk to Libby. I'm pissed frankly, Clearly Libby didn't want one on time with me as much as she let on. See why I rarely suggest or take the initiative with people to do things? I offer up an idea, and they take it over and it becomes what they want. This is the price I pay for being flexible and open. And not having a pair. Most people would have said, well, I was hoping for just us as it gets harder to catch up with another person. If I was really gutsy and strong I would have pointed out that Sandy does NOT like me and I don't know why she would care to share that much time around me.
Mum is in Regina and I feel she is safer there. There won't be as much time alone as she had here. It wasn't too bad having her here as she strives to be a helpful guest and doesn't like to interfere. I don't believe Linda took the 2nd week of August off as she said she was. I think she didn't want Mum there in case something might be out of place in the guest room for a showing. And being the hero she is (yes, that is sarcasm) took us to the airport. I was TOLD I had to get her there. We are lucky we made the flight as they are strict about baggage drop times and we were late. But I checked her in the day before and upgraded her seat. Would she have upgraded??? Doubt it. She took the longest route there and the longest route back to drop me off. And she made a point of not speaking to me and letting me know that "she got a gate pass for the past 15 years". What a hero. Here is the nature of her real character....I told her about Arlene and Randy losing their home in a likely twister and in her flat I don't give a shit about anything to do with you voice...gee that's not good. Nice person. I really question the relatives that have no idea of how nasty her disposition is and she shows them only her "generous and smart" side. It's called phoney people!
I have this image of Mum turning around as she was boarding to wave and smile at me. Is that image stuck there as it might be the last time I see her? I plan on going to Regina in June and again at Christmas 2015. The June part is tentative but I think Christmas will be a good idea next year. We just can't plan things though.
Here is something interesting. About in January this year I started thinking about Aunt Helen and Uncle Don and out loud when alone asked them to help. Do you think they did? Do you think Dad joined them to guide Mum back to where she really wanted to be? If you want to believe that stuff, then yeah, they listened.
I can see Mum not being able to live alone in a year or so. She doesn't prepare meals for herself much. She is constantly going through things and reorganizing them. Her way of triggering her memory? Stress makes her really mentally and emotionally fragile. Karen and Gord will be there to help her navigate the medical and move into her new home so I can't worry. I do feel guilty for the relief I feel having my time back to myself. But I think she left feeling I appreciated her help in here and giving Samantha good company.
Its so weird being home and not having to be somewhere by a certain time. Oddly, I had a dr appointment yesterday morning and that forced structure was good for me. How will I cope when I retire? I can tell that I will make sure I go to the community centre for classes, etc. If I move out closer to Ashleigh I'll have to figure out what is out there. Relying on the tv and sewing and cleaning isn't the best idea. I almost wonder if I should even seek seasonal work - like a garden centre or walmart at Christmas time. No car, no night work though.
I won't plan on going to the UK after I retire as I know now Linda has succeeded in dissing me to the aunts. I'd like to see my cousins but not the others knowing that they don't care for me. I kinda figured that out last year when I said to Aunt Francie "I might go over in a year or so" Her response was "okay, that should be okay". Huh? Never phones me, or emails even when I've emailed. Linda is so wonderful and poor Linda ,etc. Gimmie a break. Instead of getting a whole picture, she prefers to hear only twisted versions of me. buh buh.
The last 3 days I was at work, I of course was so hoping for connection to T. Of course - nada. As they said in SITC - he just isn't that into you. Oh I will move out of this waste of emotional void once someone else comes along to tweak my interest just as much. Reality is that I'm considered old so there are few men that would be attracted to me as much as I would be attracted to them. Join something, you say? Well what? I think if I joined something i need to do it for me and not as a way to meet someone. That is what those lame and risky dating sites are for. I'm likely going to sign up for an art course in the fall. I'm genuinely interested in relearning to draw and paint. Maybe that sense of something new happening, something exciting will be in the fall. Maybe once I'm back at work, the opportunity will present itself to connect with T. Big doubt there and I need to stop wasting my emotional energy on this. Just taking a course and making myself walk and do some weights/core exercises could be all I need. My choice, my benefits.
Oh gawd. My poor little cat. I took her to the vet to get a large matt removed and the price of a used car later, my baby had a sore mouth from tooth cleaning and was totally traumatized. She has forgiven me now and this morning jumped into bed to wake me as usual so she is feeling better. But I won't be here to give her the last two days of her antibiotics. Fingers crossed that will okay. Poor little thing. She is 12 now so things are going to start going amiss. Indicators already that her thyroid is possibly amiss and calcium levels are being watched...this could indicate that start of a tumour :(. I love cats so much but losing them after so many years is so dreadfully painful. I'm not sure I really will get another one. Who am I kidding...of COURSE I will.
I wish I had booked a flight to LA to go see Sherry for a few days instead of having to spend time with Sandy. Had I known this was the case, this is what I would have done for sure. Had Libby said getting together for dinner with or without Sandy I could have. Next year Sherry, I will try.
Except if the cat costs me the price of such a trip next year. Love the cat; hate the cat box and the expense of vets.
