Okay... so apparently I'm fine. Did I not mention to the doctor that I helped down a couple bottles of wine 2 days prior to the lab test? oops. Still, I really was wondering as fatigue bites at me. The thought of shopping makes me take a deep breathe and plan my route carefully because I sure can't count on going out once I return home. Done. Finished. I was having some upper back pain and of course I was getting the idea that I had something bad. Nope. A few tweaks with my chair and desk at work and I'm better. I was waking up in pain so I really was thinking something was up. Nothing wrong with me.
Except for being lonely and bored and confused as to how I got to this point. Except for wondering why bad things health wise happen to people that are ambitious, happy, social and have dreams and hopes. I don't - I would have deserved something to happen. Of course, one day yes it will. Just not as soon as I was starting to believe. Has this given me the drive to become motivated and busy? No, but I'm faking being happier. I'm faking not being worried and pissed about the changes at work. "Change is good, it will all work out" I say. What I really want to say Change sucks and why fix what isn't broken. I pretend I'm not leery of learning something new. At the same time, I'm relieved that I won't have to change locations and have to deal with people that will immediately resent, if not dislike me as they feels they are superior for having posted to be out there. I don't even WANT to be out there so if that lil bitch thought she was all smug telling C she was going to be doing my job and I was to be upset, she can go fuck herself. I not only didn't want to work out there, I didn't want to have to commute or eventually move out there. I'm just not ready to. I like my little apartment where it is. Once I retire, I will likely bow to the pressure from Ash but for now, I don't. And besides, I want to move on my terms when I want.
When I stop working in Benefits, I will email the RTW people to let them know I have enjoyed working with them all. It is a sneaky way to try to connect with T and maybe he will respond. If I am lucky he will suggest we get together as there will not be a conflict any longer. Oh gawd, Jaci would have a fit as she really doesn't respect him. I just am so darn drawn to him it isn't funny. What if that happens? It would be great is what would happen.
Selfishly I'm enjoying my free Fridays. I've had doctor appointments and a wedding to get ready for (just wanted to clean up nicely for my daughters sake!) so this Friday is actually my first free one I've had since Mom went back to Regina. It is Thanksgiving weekend coming up and my sister isn't of course asking me for turkey dinner. She didn't last year and she wasn't even not talking to all of us last year. She is one twisted and odd doll. Somehow Gord finding a place for Mom has ruined their lives? She isn't talking to us because....??? We don't know. Don't really care all that much. Even when she wasn't mad I was tense when ever I had to spend time with her. I just found I can never trust her. Difficult and bad tempered. Don't need it.
Laters.
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