Fifty-nine fucking years old and I have a crush. It is such that if he did by some miracle ask me out that there would be zero hesitation on my part. No cute and coy. No unsure if I wanted him to ask me out or not. A quick and clear "I would like that". But I have to accept that my wishing won't make it happen and bottom line is, he very likely has no interest in me. As it was brought up in Sex In The City, so many years ago, he just isn't into you. It was pointed out that if a guy is interested he book you soon. I know this but it doesn't stop me from obsessing and trying to figure out a way to "run into" him again.
It's peripheral work relationship so it could be risky and if fates are looking out for me and not allowing things to brew, it could be just as well. Those same fates taunt me with things like, I find him really good looking and he is very friendly without being phoney. A bit of online sleuthing also told me he owns a very pretty cat. Be still my heart. A guy that I think is cute and he likes cats???
At this point I'm hoping against hope something will work when C goes on vacs and when T calls, it won't go to his voicemail. I might just have a chance.
He too is from Saskatchewan. The first time he met me he asked where I was from and when I said Regina, he goaded me and said "oh, the OTHER city" Cheek. And last summer it turns out we were both there at the same time. He in Saskatoon and me in the Other City. So close, so far.
Please? Please cut me some slack here. I'm ready and wanting to be with someone. I want to get to know him at the very least. That is new for me. When I'm honest with myself I realize that had not good reasons to keep others in my life. I couldn't even have the guts to tell on to shove off early on even when there were lots of red flags. That I chose to ignore.
But I'm not attractive and not athletic or interesting. I never developed a career or got an education. Just did my best to work at jobs that didn't totally suck. It is likely too late.
Timing is everything. I have this feeling that 3 years ago or so, he was on the brink of pursuing something with me but because I was with Paul I didn't brazenly show my own interest. The kicker? I was at that time also realizing things were on a fast downward slide. Had I not been with him, I might have had that shot. Now however, I am so clear in my mind that I want a chance to get to know him.
Please??? Do I ask for much? So sick of just having nothing. Hate being like my mother. Alone and no one has time for me, nor can they be bothered with me. Unless I am doing something for them.
One shot. One piece of hope. A little bit of delight and happiness, even if just for a while.
Even if he turns out to be a shit.
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